Unwritten.

It has been more than a hot second since I last blogged.  I don't share my thoughts often, in person or on paper...most people know by now that vulnerability gives me hives. But sometimes, every once in awhile, I need to pour out the overwhelming amount of chaos that feels like it's constantly in my brain, swirling around, begging to be identified, and validated.
I don't know what prompted me to pull my journal out today, to flip through each page and remember what prompted each sketch, each quote. A lot of the quotes are from a few months ago, when I was in a very different place in my life. I haven't felt like sketching anything in awhile. I got to the front page, and my breath caught a little. Out of all of those Pinterest quotes, about love, friends, life, family...this was the only one that was mine. A prayer I prayed every day for quite a few months, until it felt memorized, ingrained in my brain. It didn't "work," not the way I wanted it to when I wrote it out on a flight home from a mission trip.  It worked out just a little differently. It was not a mantra to be quoted. I couldn't even read it at first, too afraid to remember the confidence in which I wrote these words, so sure of what was going to happen, how thing were going to work. I never shared these, not with anyone ever. So here they are. Ready to be shared.

My prayers for us are many

For purity of mind, body, and soul.

For a heavenly focus,

for ears that hear God's plans,

for eyes that don't stray,

for hearts that seek each other

but, more importantly, for hearts that seek God.

For wisdom that rebukes outside expectations,

for minds that dwell on what is lovely,

for souls that search for depth.

For bodies that find solace in each other,

for hands that hold each other,

for feet that guide one another closer to God,

for legs that will walk the miles.

For trust that will weather the storms,

for a love that finds the silver lining,

for mouths that speak only what uplifts, 

for tongues that don't lash out.

For peace that passes all understanding.

For hope in the future.

For work that will provide.

For joy in the provision.

I still don't feel these words. There's a lot in this world that absolutely negates them. But it's one of those things that you know to be true, regardless of your flighty, ever-changing, day-to-day feelings. I know, very deep down, in the recesses where there's still some untouched part of my soul, that these are real, true, valid, and God-ordained.