Change.

When you go to college, a lot of people will reminisce about how they “found themselves” in college. They tell you that you will discover more about yourself than you ever thought possible. I didn’t really experience that. Sure, I changed a lot. I was on my own in a big city, and I had to learn how to take care of myself.  But my college experience, wonderful as it was, was also unsatisfactory. It was so fast, and when I graduated college I felt just as young and untried as when I graduated high school. There isn’t much difference between an 18 year old and a 20 year old.

I was 20 when I graduated college, I was 20 when I moved to Kenya, and I’m still 20. Yet all of a sudden, I feel like I’ve grown leaps and bounds. I wrote a blog not too long ago about how moving here wrecked all my life plans. It’s because moving here, I felt a complete peace that I had not yet felt. When I made all those life plans, I was wracked with worry about the future. I’m not saying I have zero difficulties here…on the contrary, I have faced more issues than I ever have before. But I go to sleep every night happier than I have ever been. I work with some of the best people…they are like my family. I live next door to people who I now consider to be some of my best friends. And I get to go to work with them every day. I love these kids with all of my heart, and I cannot imagine my life without their sweet faces, bright smiles, or their voices singing praises to God. My life in Kenya is far different than my life in America, and I think I like it even better.

Connected.

Have you ever though about how your life depends upon the fact that the moment that you send that text or your Macbook/iPhone makes that “whoosh” sound that indicates an email has been sent, the reply is almost instant. No matter where you are, you are connected with your loved ones.

When you live at the intern house, you find out the definition of the word disconnected. It’s a total dead zone. No internet or mobile network. You have to sit in the yard with the hordes of mosquitoes just to get mediocre internet, and sometimes your phone doesn’t even connect at all.

In Kenya, it can be very difficult to get ahold of someone. No one emails anyone back, and seldom are phone calls answered. If you need to contact someone imminently, you just have to walk to their house.

How often are we disconnected from God? Do you answer God’s calls? How many times has God had to literally come knocking at your door before you finally acknowledge his presence in your life?

Discomfort.

When you live in Kamulu, there is something so satisfying about going to bed at night and immediately falling asleep. It feels so peaceful, going to bed and not having a million things running through your mind. Pleasant exhaustion.

After you spend a day in Eastleigh, your sleep may be a tiny bit more interrupted. For those of you who don’t know, Eastleigh is the place where runaways run to. It’s where they join a “base,” a location usually at a street corner, by a tree, in the middle of a roundabout. This is where they deal/purchase drugs, pay for sex, and sleep every night out in the elements. When you spend a day in Eastleigh, you go home to Kamulu, and the exhaustion keeps you up. You’re physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted, and if you feel one more emotion, your brain might just explode.

I don’t have a moral for this post. I don’t have a lesson I’ve learned from going to Eastleigh, I don’t have peace in my heart knowing that I’ve made a difference in a street child’s life. Because it feels like there will never be an end to the number of hopeless, unloved street kids. There will never come a day when my heart stops weeping at the thought of those precious ones sleeping on piles of trash. No matter how many street kids I’ve come in contact with, I don’t think I will ever know what to say to them, how to look them in the eye, how to comfort them. I have not found a way to deal with these realities. I will forever be uncomfortable with the situation.

Maybe that’s ok. We should never become complacent with our days, and if living in a state of discomfort keeps us from that, then bring on the awkward stares, the cat-got-your-tongue moments, and the resulting soul-searching.