Discomfort.

When you live in Kamulu, there is something so satisfying about going to bed at night and immediately falling asleep. It feels so peaceful, going to bed and not having a million things running through your mind. Pleasant exhaustion.

After you spend a day in Eastleigh, your sleep may be a tiny bit more interrupted. For those of you who don’t know, Eastleigh is the place where runaways run to. It’s where they join a “base,” a location usually at a street corner, by a tree, in the middle of a roundabout. This is where they deal/purchase drugs, pay for sex, and sleep every night out in the elements. When you spend a day in Eastleigh, you go home to Kamulu, and the exhaustion keeps you up. You’re physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted, and if you feel one more emotion, your brain might just explode.

I don’t have a moral for this post. I don’t have a lesson I’ve learned from going to Eastleigh, I don’t have peace in my heart knowing that I’ve made a difference in a street child’s life. Because it feels like there will never be an end to the number of hopeless, unloved street kids. There will never come a day when my heart stops weeping at the thought of those precious ones sleeping on piles of trash. No matter how many street kids I’ve come in contact with, I don’t think I will ever know what to say to them, how to look them in the eye, how to comfort them. I have not found a way to deal with these realities. I will forever be uncomfortable with the situation.

Maybe that’s ok. We should never become complacent with our days, and if living in a state of discomfort keeps us from that, then bring on the awkward stares, the cat-got-your-tongue moments, and the resulting soul-searching.